What’s In a Name?

So…after my last postPet Memories, I felt it necessary to lighten up the mood slightly, and talk about the term “fur babies”. (I heard that groan!) In recent years, there has been an uproar on how people treat their pets, and whether they should be a major member of the family. This has led to the debate on the type of nicknames given. So…What’s In a Name?

Humans started domesticating animals thousands, if not tens of thousands of years ago; however, their purpose was to work with humans, or to provide meat or fur. For example, cats were used to keep mice out of silos, and dogs were used to assist in hunting. Pets then moved into becoming status symbols (think King Charles Spaniel), and in most recent years, they became a part of our families; i.e. kept inside the house, cared for more than we care for ourselves…(who’s with me?!)

What's In a Name

What Does Fur Baby Mean?

According to the Urban Dictionary, “fur baby” means a pet for someone who doesn’t have kids or a usually over-spoiled/pampered pet. I find this quite interesting because I never thought of this nickname in that sense. Now, don’t get me wrong… before I had kids, I definitely spoiled my pets, but I didn’t consider them overly-spoiled or as a replacement for my own child. I just felt that they were a part of the family and they were greatly loved. Once my kids came into the picture, my pets became more important because they cared deeply for my kids.

The Debate

Now, I can see both sides of the debate. Those who feel their pets are solidly a part of the family may be more willing to consider the term “fur baby”, but those who feel like the term baby takes away from the human aspect feel it can be disrespectful. Let’s break it down.

There are many reasons a family may consider their pets as babies. Examples could be that a couple is unable to bear children or don’t want children, and their pet is considered their baby, or maybe empty nesters decided to adopt a fur baby now that their house is missing…something. It could be a family who really, really loves their pets, and considers the pets to have a similar connection with them that human babies gives.

On the other hand, I understand that we have domesticated pets to benefit our lives in terms of necessities. Calling them a silly nickname causes us to see our pets as paedomorphic beings (think teddy bears) or we humanize them. We can see examples of this in cartoons and stuffed animals – how their eyes are much bigger than in real life and their features have been softened. They are not humans, and most pets were bred for specific jobs. In class settings, dogs treated like over-pampered pets in training will be more difficult to handle, or will not believe their parents/owners are the leaders.

There is so much debate over whether pets should be treated more like humans or should be kept isolated to working animals. I am of two minds on this. I agree with the pro-fur baby crowd as pets provide far more to a family than they used to. They provide comfort, solace, happiness, and better health. There are animals out there that can sniff out cancer, or alert to seizures, but there are also some who can understand over 200 words, and pick out certain named toys. They can read our body language and tell when we are happy or sad. That’s pretty amazing!

From a personal perspective, my Alaskan Malamute, Roc, had a huge impact on my own healing from a complicated miscarriage and the following surgeries. He was the one there when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, but also there when I was going through the miscarriage, and after the D&C. He was my comfort, solace, and helped me get through an incredibly heartbreaking time.

I have also taught basic obedience training where humans treat their pets as heavenly creatures. This is most difficult when the dog has more clout than their human counterpart, and is able to get away with anything they want to. This is not a case of “fur baby” syndrome, this is called “Our pet rules our lives completely” disease. There is no benefit towards this type of relationship as it only benefits one side.

Let me explain. Animals were domesticated to provide a service (think a Horse, Cow, or even an Australian Shepard). We utilized their strength and abilities to benefit our lifestyles. I believe as times go by, and our hearts grow softer, we consider our pets through a paedomorphic lens, not necessarily what they are capable of or what they were bred for. We are leaning more towards the Urban dictionary definition rather than a broad term of fur baby.

Once we can find a happy medium between these extremes, I believe the term “fur baby” can become more acceptable in society. We won’t have so many arguments on who is right or who babies their pets too much or who doesn’t like pets.

Offended?

How many times have you overheard conversations where people getting offended? Maybe you have been offended by something said regarding your pet… Well, stop. We need to remember getting offended is something that we choose.

Let’s look at this example –

Mary considers her Chihuahua as a fur baby in the Urban Dictionary sense, and John considers his German Shepherd as a partner or a working pet. They start to debate sides and things get a little heated. Now, this can go two ways…the argument can escalate to where both parties are yelling that each is wrong, or they can stop and take a breath.

Being able to open your mind and accept that someone is (most likely) going to have a different view on this subject is the first step. But…we need to expand on this thought. If someone disagrees with you, don’t write them off just yet. Ask questions. The other person may have some insight you have not considered yet and vice versa. The point is not to just agree that everyone has their own reality, but to debate cordially and without malice.

So… Fur Baby or Not?

Pets are a part of our families. As time goes on, our relationships with our pets will become more valued. For example, we are starting to see laws being enacted to protect the abused animals in certain states. The term “fur baby” will continue to evolve, and Urban Dictionary might have to update the definition.

My hope is that we find a meeting point where fur baby just means a part of the family, not necessarily a spoiled-rotten pet or a replacement for a human baby. I hope that our pets can still do the jobs they were bred for, but also hang out with the family on the couch. I want the stigma of “fur baby” to go away and for people to understand that it is ok for a pet to be called a fur baby…but these “fur babies” need to be ambassadors for their breed (and not nippy little brats).

I want people to take a deep breath. The term “fur baby” is not something to get worked up over unless the pet is doing harm. I want people to have a good discussion without negative outcomes. I want people to learn the why behind other’s reasons.

As for me, I have 2 very large fur babies. and 1 small fur baby…(I am not sure if I should consider my husband a fur baby based on the size of his beard…but that’s another conversation for another blog.) My dogs, Beckham and Nuka, and my cat Hunter are part of my family. They are able to hang out with us, go places, eat good food, but they are not allowed to run the house. Like all family members, they have rules to abide by too.

My Favorite Pet Memories

Have you had a pet (or pets) that have been extraordinary? Were they more like spirit animals or soul mates? As I start this new blog, I thought I would share some of my favorite pet memories, and how these furbabies shaped my life. Many pets have come through my life; however, I want to focus on a few that really shaped my life and als0 helped me learn how to cope with loss.

1. Patches – Favorite Pet Memories

My Favorite Pet Memories - Patches

My First Love

Patches was a tortoiseshell calico who made up for being the runt of the litter. She was a pudgy cat with a small head and quite an attitude. She was quirky, drooled any time you pet her, and she loved breath mints. My parents and I adopted her and her sister, Midnight from a neighbor’s house. They were two cute little kittens who stole everyone’s hearts, but also taught me a few things about how to care for cats.

I was super excited to have my own cat (Finally!), and I made sure Patches was fed every day, had plenty of water, and had a clean litterbox. This was my first time being responsible for a pet, so I was taking it seriously!

Some of Patches quirks were endearing; at the same time, some were a little more frustrating. For example, if I left home overnight, Patches would leave me a “present” to find when I arrived home. I never thought a cat would seek revenge, but Patches proved me wrong.

oUR NEW LIFE TOGETHER

When I moved out of the house at 19, Patches was by my side…she wasn’t pleased to move, but she acclimated after a little time. As time moved on, and I got married to my high school sweetheart, her revenge became a daily occurrence. Unfortunately, nothing I did to appease her worked. Since my new husband and I lived in an apartment, I felt Patches would be happier at my parent’s house.

My parents cared for Patches and Midnight until they were old and ill. My mom was responsible for bringing her and Midnight to the vet when they were ready to cross the rainbow bridge. I regret not being there for Patches; holding her paw and loving her while she slipped away.  More importantly, I regret putting that responsibility on my mom’s shoulders.

fIRST LEARNING EXPERIENCES

When I look back on my time with Patches, I realize there was so much I didn’t know about cat behavior. For example, declawing a cat is a horrific surgery. I didn’t know that cat body language can speak volumes and that multiple cats in a household need multiple access points to a litter box.

There were so many things to learn, and I thank Patches for the beginning of that journey.

2. Harley – Favorite Pet Memories

My Favorite Pet Memories - Harley

oH hARLEY!

One of the reasons for Patches moving back to my parent’s house was that my husband and I adopted an amazingly beautiful and young Maine Coon named Harley. Harley was a super chill cat who would get along with everyone, and who loved to be close to his people. He was the only cat I could hang upside down or wrap around my neck. The only problem was that Patches did not like him, and he nonchalantly made sure that she became the pariah in that relationship.

After Patches left, Harley didn’t stay alone very long. We ended up adopting a 4 week old female DMH, who we named Aprilia. Their introduction would make most Behaviorists cringe. My husband and I brought Aprilia home and then promptly placed her in front of Harley, and told Harley he now had a little sister. (We call this a baptism, yikes!) To our amazement, Harley sniffed Aprilia and started grooming her.

THE HORRIFIC DAY

My husband and I lived in Washington at this time, and fleas were a problem in the area. The vet recommended we give both Harley and Aprilia a bath to get rid of the fleas. I purchased a good flea shampoo, drew a bath, and was able to bathe Aprilia with no problem.

When I put Harley in the tub to try and clean him off, he let out a low gutteral sound, and stopped breathing. I scooped him up, yelled for my husband, rushed Harley into my room and tried to give him CPR. His body was rigid, his body expelled feces, and I could not get him to breathe. I called the vet, and they told us to come in immediately.

We rushed him to the office and it felt like time stood still.

The vet gave Harley an injection that was supposed to jumpstart his heart, but it didn’t work. Harley had actually passed away in my arms at home. I was devastated. Did I do something wrong when I tried to bathe him? Did I press on his back too hard, or did he inhale deadly fumes?

I then began asking questions about Aprilia. What will happen to her? Is she going to die too? There were so many unanswered questions, but at that time test results seemed to take forever to come in.

The vet performed an autopsy and determined Harley’s heart suddenly stopped. This incidence was similar to when an athlete collapses on the court or the field. There is no telling why or how it happened; it just does. Harley had only been a part of our family for a year…at most.

wHAT COULD i HAVE DONE? wHAT’S NEXT?

I continued to beat myself up as I thought I caused his death. Should I have really given him a bath? Did I get the wrong shampoo? Or…could it have been something like heartworms? I still don’t understand his death to this day…and it was about 20 years ago.

Looking back on his death, I realize, Harley is the one who led me into working in the animal welfare sector. He is the one who taught me to continue loving my pets as well as those in the shelters; but  to also learn how animal behavior works, and to see that each animal is treated with love and dignity – in life and in death.

3. Aprilia – Favorite Pet Memories

mY BABY GIRL

Aprilia is one of my most recent pet memories, and it is still raw. After Harley’s death, I annoyed Aprilia with how close I monitored her health. Any sniffle, weird looking nodule, or awkward meow, I rushed her to the vet.

Once the wounds started to heal, I got to know Aprilia for who she really was. Aprilia was a goofy little girl, who loved to drink from the faucet and groom my husband’s beard. She would climb up tapestries and Christmas trees, and zoom around the apartment. Snuggling was off limits, but she would lay close to us and let her motor roar while we fell asleep. Aprilia was an amazing little cat.

ALL THE CHANGES

My husband and I moved to Phoenix, Arizona in 2003, and the journey from Washing to Arizona was an interesting one. Aprilia took it like a trooper. We moved into my husband’s uncle’s casita and then to 1 bedroom apartment. In this time, my baby had been exposed to my in-law’s house (and their dog), multiple hotel rooms, and other small spaces.

When I began volunteering at a rescue, she was introduced to many different friends. Her first friend was Abel, a 17 pound DSH, who made me a failed foster parent. Soon after that, she was subjected to three tiny kittens, Mozart, Brahms, and Francesca. Once the kittens were adopted, I fell in love with an Alaskan Malamute named Roc. So many changes for my little girl to work through, but she handled it like a champ!

A life lived to the fullest

Aprilia lived to be 18 (passing away in 2019). Her entire life was filled with constant change; be it through the lives and deaths of a few favorite friends, the births of my three boys, and moving to yet another house. Aprilia was a trooper, and she allowed me to learn how cats interact with other pets as well as humans; the nuances in body language and that even though I may have failed her in some ways, she still forgave me, and loved me…unconditionally.

Her last days were hard. A cat who is fastidious with grooming and litterbox became incontinent and unkempt. She stopped eating and couldn’t get up. I couldn’t stand to see her in such distress, so I had her humanely euthanized with myself and my sons surrounding her and giving her love.

I sit here crying now because I love her. She was my companion my entire adult life, and she experienced everything with me. I miss her to this day, and pray that I didn’t wait to long too let her go.

4. Roc – Favorite Pet Memories

THE BESTEST OF THE BEST

This story is the hardest for me. Roc, an Alaskan Malamute came into a limited intake shelter with his brother Koda.  I was working there that day, and we almost didn’t take either of them in due to the breed’s stoic demeanor. As it turns out, Roc and his brother probably did a little better in the shelter than most dogs because of the stoicism.

Weeks went by and nobody wanted to adopt either of these amazing northern breeds. (Who blames them? We were in the desert and Mals belong in the snow.) After a couple months, his brother Koda was adopted which I found odd because Koda had Valley Fever. Roc was completely healthy.

As time went on, Roc became my favorite dog in the shelter. Anytime I taught classes or was working in the behavior department, I brought him out. I didn’t want to take him home because Malamutes can have a strong prey drive, and I didn’t want anything to happen to Aprilia. Interestingly, I found out the cattery was actually using him to dog test the cats! I immediately told my husband, and we decided to foster him.

FAILED FOSTER

We failed at fostering once again! Within a week, Roc was a member of the family. This six year old Malamute, befriended our cats, Aprilia and Abel, was house-trained, and loved his family.

Roc was my  rock (pun intended) when I miscarried my first pregnancy. He was by my side during an incredibly devastating time; but more importantly, he helped my husband learn how to care for me.

When I brought my firstborn son home, Roc did not leave my son’s side. My son wasn’t my baby…he was Roc’s baby. He was the same with my other two boys. I have pictures to this day where he was either guarding the bathroom door during bath time or letting the boys hug on him.

Even as I went through a heavy postpartum depression, Roc was always there to reassure me that things were going to be ok.

learning experiences

My Roc-Roc lived to be almost 17. I feel that even though I failed him on so many levels, he loved me unconditionally. He forgave me for the hard times we went through and just wanted to make sure that our family would remain in tact after he was gone.

Roc taught me so much in the 10 years he was with us. He never left my side. He cared for the cats as well as his humans.

There was so much love given that my heart overflows even thinking about him. In his last moments, he was surrounded by his favorite human, my oldest son (6 at the time), my husband, and myself.

To this day, I thank him for getting me through the toughest times in my life, but also look forward to meeting him on the other side.

Conclusion

These are just a few stories of the pet memories that have changed my life.  Each pet provided unique learning experiences as well as amazing memories to reflect on. As time passes, I know there will be many more pet memories and losses; however, the journey with each pet is worth the time. It is better to have loved and lost than not loved at all…right?

About Kelly

Hello everyone, and welcome to my site “Keeping Your Pet’s Spirit Alive”. My love for animals started at a young age. I have shared my home with cats and dogs for as long as I can remember. The one thing that always stood out was how difficult it was to keep our pets healthy and then when they passed away.

As hard as it was to lose a pet, I was consistently reminded that “it was just a pet” or “you can get another one”. I didn’t understand this sentiment because when I lost a human family member, no cost was spared to keep them in remembrance; through flowers, donations, keepsakes, and even obituaries.

There were not many options for keepsakes or communities where I could continue to remember my pet family members. Why?

We are now in an age where pets are truly considered a part of the family (and in some cases they are considered more of a family member than our blood relatives)! Over the years, I have been through the loss of mine and my family’s pets. I have learned very valuable lessons from each loss.

As we move forward, I am excited to share some insight and ideas on how you can keep your pet’s spirit alive even when they are no longer physically with you. I am also excited to share ideas on how to keep our pets healthy for longer lives!

My Story

My life has always been intertwined with pets in one form or another. When I was young, my family either had dogs or cats who we doted on daily.

Whenever we would see a stray animal on the side of the road, we would stop and see if we could help the animal and find if they had a home.

When I moved out of my parent’s house, I adopted a Maine Coon named Harley from the Humane Society and then introduced a little 4 week old female DMH to the family. Her name: Aprilia.

When my husband and I moved from Washington State to Arizona, I needed to find something to do with my time while my husband was in school. Where did I turn? Animal welfare became my life! I volunteered at a cat rescue where I was introduced to animal behavior and my love for pets grew from there.

I trained under a top Animal Behaviorist and learned how to read body language, train volunteers on how to handle pets, and taught dog obedience classes. I also worked through difficult tasks such as shelter intakes and when dogs or cats were euthanized.

Euthanasia was difficult, but regardless of the reason(behavior or illness), I was there to help show them they would not die alone. They were loved, and each one took a piece of my heart with them.

A New Generation

Now as I have grown my family by 3 pre-teen / teen boys, 2 Alaskan Malamutes, and 2 rescue cats, I want to return to my love of animals by helping their human counterparts. I want to help people go through the mourning process with no judgment, and I want people to be able to share their stories in hopes of helping others. Let’s provide ideas and helpful tips to get through these difficult moments.

The times have changed from the days when pets were only used for work. They are now our comfort, our confidants, our lives… Let’s build a community to remember them.

 

Let’s Build a Strong Community

The goal of this website is to teach, be taught, and to lend a shoulder for those who are experiencing or have experienced the loss of their beloved pet. My hope is that the website will be interactive where everyone can share their thoughts, ideas, and dreams.

Let’s work together to remember our fur babies!

If you ever need a hand or have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you out.

All the best,

Kelly

Beckham and Nuka a month prior to her passing

berniersmith.com